It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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