my sisters under your porch take her home
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
