I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
