I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
