he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
