im having a threesome with these popsicles
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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