For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
