I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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