Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Floor bacon is actually really good
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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