You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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