Christians are straight up FREAKS
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
