Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
