Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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