I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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