i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
We have so much sex to catch up on
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Randomize
