well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
being pregnant is like rehab
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
