He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
