Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
