Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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