went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
