he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
