the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
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