The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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