He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
