i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
