sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
You can't motorboat a personality
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
