Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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