If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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