i don't like sucking hair
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
