Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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