Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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