Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
