I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Randomize
