guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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