Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
