he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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