i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
