he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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