I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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