apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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