Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
