Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
