the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
