Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
