Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
