so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
