If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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