my vag is so smooth its legendary
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
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