i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
