Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
