I threw up into my coffee this morning.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
